that's right - I'm a thief
I have an admission to make, I have started a campaign of petty theft, you know, I started out with a few small misdemeanours.. sweeties from the local Londis, gnomes from gardens, small shrubs from garden centres, a pack of cut-price mince from the Co-Op, well a lady has to have a ******' career, doesn't she?? because the fascinating and predictable ******' news comes this-morning that life in Prison is so cushtee that given the chance to escape, when warders allowed a security breach at a Jail in West Yorkshire this week, (what would that be then - eeerrr,, leaving the door open ??!), the Prisoners chose to stick in, presumably so they didn't miss East Enders and the Coronation Street Omnibus... so I am hoping they'll be a little knock at my door soon "caught on CCTV madam- taking a crunchie bar from 'One-Stop', and half a bottle of Cider from 'Threshers', not to mention the Hastings Gazette from the local paper shop", down the Cop-chop, fingerprints, wham-bam, into ‘lock-up’ I go... drugs a-plenty, bumming galore, endless teli and I can probably retake my A-Levels and get a Law degree for free given the push - and concerts from Alabama 3, and ****** Billy ****** Bragg (oh save me Lord is this because no one will pay to see him anymore)... well **** me stupid, what ****** country am I living in... in some countries they still chop off your ******* hands if you steal a chicken, and our prisoners are lording it up at my ****** expense, what is the ****' point, I am speechless... ‘Hard Labour’ OOOHHH what happened to you... why knock yourself out working for living, there's always Jail... hang on, what's that knock at the door... I am a supporter of Human Rights, but this is taking the Pee isn't it ??!!
